There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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