I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
