im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
