I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
