Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
