we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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