The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
