All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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