I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
