why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
