# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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