Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
