Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
