it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
