This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
