This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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