coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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