Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
