just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
