"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
