I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His nipple licking is glorious
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