my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
