I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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