y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
