I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize