You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
