you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
