I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
