i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
