i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
