A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
