I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
