Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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