Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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