i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
