My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i love accidental penises.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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