well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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