dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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