i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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