we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
