I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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