so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
