no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
