Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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