We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
