Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
