Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
