apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
