Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
