first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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