She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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